he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
