I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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