You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
