took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
