You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
