I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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