I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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