I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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