i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
