Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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