4 words: hood of his car
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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