I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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