You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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