I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
