Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
