These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
