my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
