one word: firstdatebathroomanal
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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