brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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