It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
