I'm sorry my penis didn't work
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
