Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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