Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
