Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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