You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
