You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
