can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
