Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
