Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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