I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
