Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
