I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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