using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
