Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I need water and some morals
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
