he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
