look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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