You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
