3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
