i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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