I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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