I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
