i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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