john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
