I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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