ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
