i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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