That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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