my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
