he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
