i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Randomize
