New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
