my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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