dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
