Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
