look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
