Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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