wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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